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The Not So Obvious Controlling Behaviors

Updated: Aug 17, 2022

Dating abuse and domestic violence happen when a partner uses physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse to gain or maintain power and control.

Sometimes controlling behaviors can be masked as caring making it harder to decipher if your partner is using control. Let's look at some tactics controlling partners use to manipulate the situation and shift responsibility for their actions.


Minimizing happens when someone acknowledges that they have done something harmful, but refused to take responsibility for the level of abusive behavior or the harm it has caused.

Some examples of minimizing is someone saying:

  • "I'm just so stressed out."

  • "I could not control myself."


Denying happens when someone acts as if they have not been abusive, not been controlling, or not caused any harm. Therefore, they may believe that there is nothing to be responsible or accountable for.

Some examples of denying is someone saying:

  • "I never did that, you're crazy!"

  • "I barley touched you!"


Blaming entails admitting that they have used abusive, controlling behaviors but taking no ownership or responsibility for their actions and placing the blame onto the victim.

Some examples of blaming is someone saying:

  • "It's all your fault."

  • "You made me do it!"

If you or someone you know feels afraid, threatened, manipulated, or controlled in a relationship anonymous, confidential and non-judgmental support is just a phone call or text away. Call or text 888-606-4673 for support today.


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